October 30, 2018
Dear Liz,
There’s a woman I’ve known for almost 11 years now and I’ve seen her in her worse & greatest times. I’ve been there for her since the beginning.
With our history I started developing strong feelings for her, I actually can’t stop thinking about her. Last month I wanted to express my feelings but I found out she is talking to another guy.
Did I wait too long to tell her? What should I do?
– Lover Boy
Dear Lover Boy,
Thank you so much for taking the time to write into my “Dear Liz” section! This is actually the very first time I answer a question coming from the male perspective! So men, if you’re reading this,don’t be afraid to submit your question too!
Now, this topic comes up a lot. You have one person in love with the other and they won’t share their feelings. You see this scenario often played out in the movies, TV shows, and of course in real life. I know for a fact that several people would say you just need to move on and others would say to pursue their feelings.
After reading your question, I instantly knew what you should do.
So lets jump right into it!
My Advice to you:
To answer your first question…
1) Did you wait too long to tell her?
YES, 100% yes. If you would have asked me a while ago, I would have told you to let her know how you feel as soon as you realized it. In any case, I will always say to express how you feel & say what’s on your mind.
Life is way too short to harbor such strong feelings in and keep wondering “what if.” Telling people how you feel applies to both positive & negative feelings. Do you know how many issues could have been and can be avoided if people are just honest about how they feel? If you answered, a ton, you are correct LOL.
The only time I would say to really think and pray about telling someone how you feel is if they’re seriously committed. Seriously committed to me means: engaged, married, or are pregnant. The situation becomes 10x more tricky and you should be very careful. In all cases if you would have just listened and said how you felt sooner you wouldn’t be in this situation.
2) What should you do now?
Well, from answering your first question I think you know what I am going to say.
Go and find this woman and tell her exactly how you feel. Find a private place where she can take in what you’re saying and not be afraid that people are looking. I know in the movies you see the guy perform this huge act of love and surprises her in front of tons of people. Sadly, this isn’t a movie and she may slap you, so do it somewhere private.
If you two really have a history of 11 years I assume she has the love & respect for you to hear you out. Now because of this long friendship you may be afraid to lose her as a friend, right? In my opinion if you have such strong feelings for her and you see her with another guy you may not be able to even be that friend she needs. You will constantly be thinking “what if,” and you don’t want that!
You should realize that she may not have the same feelings for you and she may not even want to be your friend anymore. She may feel too weird knowing your feelings and will say it’s best to go your separate ways. Be strong and accept this. Your friendship would never be the same anyways if you continue to harbor all those feelings. So just do it, take a risk, say what’s on your mind and leave it up to her to see what she wants to do next. You can’t change your feelings so just own up to it and tell her how you really feel.
I wish you the best of luck Lover Boy and know that regardless of what happens, there is someone perfect just for you. Please write back in if you decide to take my advice I would love to know the outcome, whether good or bad!
Hopefully, if any of you are in the same situation, it helped you out too!
XOXO,
Liz-Laugh-Love
