UNEMPLOYED?

And the truth is that I quit my job and my last day was September 29, 2017 . I was working in the non-profit sector in youth development services and had been in that field for the past seven years of my life. This was not only my job but my career. I even pursued my Masters in Public Administration because I wanted to support my career in non-profit management. So when I say I quit my Job, I actually left my career. And with that, was my identity because that’s what my life had been about.

If you would have told me last year that I would no longer be in that field today, I wouldn’t have believed you.

It all started last year around February when I just felt unhappy. I remember driving to work and just dreading the idea of being there. Certain relationships at work caused tension & friction and I no longer felt like I could trust anyone. Trust me, going to work in an environment where you feel like you couldn’t go to anyone is hard.

I found myself thinking constantly about what I really wanted to do with the rest of my life. I couldn’t even say with confidence what I wanted my life to look like.

The stress of my position started to consume me and I was no longer myself. I could feel it, the old happy me was just leaving and never coming back.  I thought that maybe it was a phase I was going through and that I would grow out of it. But as time passed though, the feeling became STRONGER and LOUDER. I had been wrestling with this idea for several months now and the feeling was definitely not going away.

One day when I was getting ready for work  the idea of “starting a blog,” came to my mind. All of these ideas starting racing in my head and I started to do research. I thought maybe I can start this blog to help take my mind off not wanting to be at work anymore. I told my husband, some close friends, and they were all so supportive, like “yes this is a great idea.”

But I never started the blog. I was too distracted and hardly had any energy after work. I didn’t even have energy to work out on a regular basis and I was truly unmotivated.

Our anniversary trip rolled around in September 2017 and we had a vacation planned to Turks & Caicos. I had already requested the time off and this was literally what I had been looking forward to for so many months. If you remember though, Hurricane Irma came. The island of Turks & Caicos was literally right in the eye of the hurricane, there was nothing we could do.  And the night before we were supposed to leave everything got cancelled. But I decided to still take the time off anyway. We decided to go on a small stay-cation to Palm Springs and I used that time to just relax.

During that week I realized that I needed to move on and that I needed to do what was best for me. I wasn’t happy anymore. I wasn’t growing as a person anymore. I wasn’t motivated anymore. I was just stagnant. Just there. And although I knew it was the right move, it was still so hard for me to admit that. I was an emotional mess and found myself crying whenever I was alone.

My husband and I discussed the idea of me not going back and we were on the same page.  He was so supportive and reassured me that everything was going to be okay. But obviously, things would be different. We were a household with two incomes paying for necessities and now it would just be one income. We would have to adjust the dynamics of the home since we were so used to our old routines. I asked my husband several times, “Are you sure?” and he again would reassure me.

If you know me, you know that I always have everything figured out. I always have my next move, or couple moves planned out. But not this time, I had nothing. Yes, I could help my husband with his business here and there but in my book that was nothing. I just kept thinking, what is my family going to say? What about my friends, what will they think of me? Does this make me a failure? Did I just fail at life because I don’t have my entire life figured out?

So many questions going through my head with no answers.

It took so much courage to walk back into work after our stay-cation and put in my two weeks notice. Those next two weeks were probably the longest yet shortest 2 weeks ever. The first couple days I could not hold back the tears. I would cry at my desk when I was alone, or cry when telling someone I was leaving. I was so angry at myself, why can I not keep it together?! I would call my husband and question if I was making the right move.

Finally, the two weeks had passed and my coworkers planned a farewell lunch and I truly felt the love.

After I left there were several days that were tough but those are the days that make me a stronger person. I had to create a routine for myself with all the free time that I had so I wouldn’t drive myself crazy. I went from always being busy and never having time for anything to so much time ALONE. I was alone in my thoughts, fears, insecurities, and the loss of my identity.

Here we are a couple months later and I feel like myself again. I finally committed to eating healthy and working out as a lifestyle. I feel energized and motivated. And most importantly I am happy. I started this BLOG which is something I had been wanting to do since last year. I am proud that I committed to launching the site but also extremely anxious. Will people like my writing? Will they even care about the topics I choose? Will they like me?

But the truth is, I am doing this for me and at some point I had to stop worrying about what everyone else was going to think of me. And don’t we all have those feelings? What is everyone else going to think about my life choices?  At some point you just have to stop worrying about everyone else and focus on you.

When I left my career I had those same thoughts but I made a LEAP. I look back and I am so glad I made that decision. It might have been the hardest decision I have ever made but I know it was the right move.

I hope that by reading my story it motivated you to make that change in your life that you have always thought about it. Whether it be opening up your own business, traveling the world, starting a healthy lifestyle journey, or simply just taking the time to reflect.

Everyone deserves to be happy and if you have a dream, go out there and get it. Life is about taking risks.

Thank you for reading my story.

It’s been real.

xoxo,

Liz-laugh-love